Marriage and Wedding Preparation Guidelines
St. Vincent Ferrer Parish
North & Lathrop
River Forest, Illinois, 60305
(708) 366-7090
Marriage and Wedding Preparation Guidelines
St. Vincent Ferrer Parish
North & Lathrop
River Forest, Illinois, 60305
(708) 366-7090
These guidelines have been prepared for you, the engaged couple, as you consider God’s call to married life and to make arrangements for your wedding ceremony at St. Vincent Ferrer Church. This is a happy and blessed time in your lives. The staff and the people of St. Vincent Ferrer offer you their congratulations on your engagement and their best wishes for a joy-filled wedding day and a truly happy married life.
We hope that this web page will answer some of your questions and relieve all your worries. We offer you our support and assistance in every way possible. Our aim is to enable you to make the most of this important time to grow as a couple in a deeper love for God and for each other. Our prayer is that you will be able to focus on the challenges as well as the joys that lie ahead.
The USA culture has a multibillion industry with weddings. The average wedding is now beyond $27, 000. These are even being referred to as "starter marriages". Excess and vanity are never the center of sacrament -- Jesus Christ is. Half of all marriages end in divorce; one out of five, if married in church/synagogue, end in divorce. See, your blessings have already increased. If a couple prays daily together, the success rate of the marriage goes up to one in one thousand-plus on the chance of their marriage ending. In following Christ we are not statistics but the church in action. The stronger your marriage; the stronger the church. The domestic church is the home you are to build on rock.
Wedding is a day; marriage is a lifetime. We want both to be holy and wonderful. A good rule of process for these is focus your first six months on the relationship/marriage; focus the second six months on the wedding. Even though these overlap, the engagement period does have stages of growth. This is natural order.
Marriage is based in good and holy communication. Communication must be good with God, within yourself, and with each other. The church has introduced the period of preparation following the arranged marriage times of society. In our post-arranged marriage society people dated and married. The church has used this preparation time to reintroduce the engagement journey with the couple.
A Roman Catholic wedding is awesomely beautiful, It is simple and straight forward: public consent and vows! Once. Forever. The bride and groom are treated as the presiders reigning over the day in God's love made manifest. This website has the planner materials to help you plan a truly Roman rite liturgy. You will also be assigned a wedding coordinator skilled in this ministry. They'll help plan, run the rehearsal, and be present the day of the wedding. Wedding planning workshops will be conducted regularly. You will be notified of the dates..
Weddings in our churches have become secularly orchestrated. We are doing Hollywood weddings in Catholic Church buildings. Weddings in our culture are Soap opera style. In using these models (who are not exactly Christian heroes) to imitate our clothing choices, lifestyle, and partying manners, we lose our sacramental focus.
Beyond the long aisle and stained-glass windows, is a longer aisle of married love in the eternal Bridegroom. Bless this journey of grace in the holy sacrament of matrimony in your Roman Catholic Church. This is God's time and we are honored to be part of it all with you at St Vincent Ferrer Parish.
May God bless you with His grace and peace!
Archdiocesan Required Workshops:
Archdiocese of Chicago Family Ministries Office
Marriage Preparation -- Pre-Cana Registration
Natural Family Planning -- Classes & Registration
The Sacrament of Marriage
The Sacrament of Marriage is an invitation from God for a man and woman to deepen their experience of the love of God by joining in a covenant relationship with each other. As a sacrament, this relationship must be an “outward sign,” or give witness, to others as a faithful, life-long union which is open to bringing life into the world. The vocation of marriage requires that you enter into this sacrament with freedom and with full knowledge of the challenges, responsibilities and joys of married life.
This sacrament is the beginning of your life-long commitment and it is rooted in love of God and supported by the community of faith. As Catholics, we do not believe in “starter marriages.” The exchange of marriage vows in the sacrament is a pledge to love, respect and nurture each other all the days of your life together.
Meetings with a Member of the Marriage Ministry TeamThe marriage preparation program at St. Vincent Ferrer Church will consist of approximately five or six meetings with a member of the staff. After you initially contact the parish office expressing interest in celebrating your wedding at St. Vincent Ferrer, you will be contacted by one of our priests or deacons to arrange to meet at the rectory at a mutually convenient time. Because your time of preparation will also include programs outside the parish, such as a Pre-Cana day or Discovery Weekend, it is important that you allow yourselves a full year to benefit the most from these sessions. Your lives are very busy at this point, yet it is important that you devote time to talking about and thinking about being emotionally and spiritually ready to make the serious commitment that you want your marriage to be.
Marriage preparation meetings consist of one couple and a priest, deacon, or a ministering couple and are completely confidential. They are based on mutual respect and trust.
Marriage Preparation SessionsThese may vary in number and length. Below is a sample outline:
Session I. Initial Meeting
This will include completion of the archdiocesan questionnaire by each of you. The questionnaire consists of the gathering of basic needed information about you and about your freedom to enter into a Roman Catholic marriage at this time. Other personality inventories are usually administered at this meeting. You will be asked to provide certificates of Baptism and Confirmation from the church or churches at which you were baptized or confirmed. The Baptism certificate must be dated within the past six months.
Session II. FOCCUS Inventory
At a second meeting we will discuss the value of open communication in a relationship receiving results of FOCCUS inventory. The FOCCUS (Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding & Study) inventory gives you insights into your relationship and provides topics for discussion in follow-up meetings.At this second contact, you will also be given information regarding your required participation in an archdiocesan program for engaged couples, such as Pre-Cana or Discovery Weekend. Sign up right away for a date at a nearby church. This can be done online at the Marriage Preparation web page of the Family Ministries Office of the Archdiocese:
http://www.familyministries.org/marprep.htmSession III. Discuss FOCCUS Results
We will get together a third time to discuss the results of your FOCCUS inventory. This is only an assessment for you of how you as a couple face and discuss important issues critical to a healthy and happy marriage. All your answers and the results of the assessment are kept in strictest confidence.Session IV. Pre-Cana or Discovery Weekend
With other engaged couples from the archdiocese, you will gather for a day of Pre-Cana or for a Discovery Weekend conducted by trained married couples who want to assist you in planning for your lifetime together. Pre-registration is necessary.Session V. Follow-up Session
At a follow-up meeting we will discuss any concerns you want to bring up about the FOCCUS, the Pre-Cana, changes in your relationship, how you view marriage, issues surrounding sexuality, and your faith life now and in the future. We will talk about how we can make the liturgy of the Sacrament of Matrimony meaningful to you and expressive of your faith.Session VI. Planning the Wedding
You will meet in the church with your wedding coordinator to review the rite of marriage, the proper processing in and out, and the movement that takes place during ceremony. Remember, please, that you are in a holy place during this time. Experience the sacredness of the sanctuary and realize how the beauty of the church and the presence of God affect your feelings about the upcoming ceremony. There are regularly scheduled Wedding Planning Workshops listed in the bulletin.
Parish Policy regarding Church Use for Roman Rite Ceremonies
St. Vincent Ferrer Church facilities are available to:
Practicing Catholics who are presently registered members of St. Vincent Ferrer parish or who are sons or daughters of presently registered members of the parish; also, to practicing Catholics who are not registered members of St. Vincent Ferrer, but who live within the boundaries of the parish. This happens only after they have actually registered and will have been registered for a period of one year at the time of the proposed wedding and have given evidence of their intentions to participate in the life of the parish. Non-SVFP members may get married here with written permission of their pastor. They may do the marriage preparation in their parish. SVFP will supply the wedding preparation.
The Marriage Rite of the Roman Catholic ChurchSt. Vincent Ferrer Church offers you the beauty and simplicity of a marriage ceremony conducted according to the Roman Catholic rite for the sacrament of Matrimony. The rite is part of a centuries-old tradition for recognizing God’s presence to us in the sacraments. The rite allows us to focus on the sacramental, grace-giving nature of the sacrament.
Our culture is experiencing Hollywood weddings in celebrity clothing using Roman Catholic Church buildings. Additions to the form of the rite, then, clouds that focus. Over the years, traditions or customs such as the lighting of a unity candle, the exchange of roses, and the bringing of flowers to Mary have crept into the marriage ceremony. These non-intrinsic practices are discouraged during a Catholic wedding. They make the ceremony more theatrical and less liturgical.
For the same reason, celebrity-style dress is discouraged. Our clothing reflects our attitude. Church should always be a place of modesty. This is in keeping with the beauty and simplicity of the Catholic rite.Church Environment and Etiquette
St. Vincent Ferrer Church is a sacred space to the members of the parish who worship here. You are not renting a building. You are using our parish worship space. It is the common gathering point of the faith community who come together here as a family to pray and to worship. An atmosphere of reverence and respect must be maintained in the church at all times. Loud talking, smoking, eating, drinking and boisterous behavior are unacceptable in the church at any time. Your decision to be married in St. Vincent Ferrer Church means that you are on “holy ground” treating it as such.
The Wedding LiturgyAt a Catholic wedding, the bride and the groom are the ministers of the Sacrament. It is in their consent to freely give themselves to one another and in their vows to make of their love a life-long commitment that God is present to them in each other. The priest or deacon is present only as the Church’s official witness who presides at the ceremony and blesses the couple in their new life together.
Bride and Groom are both Catholic
In the tradition of the Catholic Church, the exchange of vows between two Catholics is to take place within the context of a Mass. A priest is used for Mass. (If one is Catholic in name only not being catechized or communed, the wedding is not the time for First Communion. No mass would be appropriate.)
One Party not CatholicIf one of the parties is not Catholic, the marriage rite outside of Mass is the prescribed norm. This offers the couple being married the opportunity to join the two families together at the wedding liturgy without fear of excluding members of the congregation who would not be invited to Communion. A deacon or priest may witness this rite.
The Ceremony
Your wedding coordinator will assist you in selecting Scripture readings and prayers that will make your wedding ceremony a beautiful and personal celebration.
You are required to prepare a worship aid or booklet that will enable guests to follow the ceremony. Such a worship aid would introduce the wedding party, participants in the liturgy (priest or deacon presider, musicians, lectors, gift bearers, servers, Eucharistic ministers, etc.,) and would include the main parts the wedding rite. The wedding coordinator can offer assistance in putting together a helpful booklet that will make guests, especially non-Catholics, feel more welcome. It will also enable all guests to participate more fully in the celebration.
At least 30 days before the wedding a compy of the program must be submitted to the parish Worship Office. Do not do final printing until it is approved.
Order of Worship
NOTE -
* denotes part of Mass only, not service
** denotes part that is not within the Roman Rite, and therefore not encouraged by the Church
"We Gather to Worship"
PRELUDE (cite song(s) before ceremony begins, with composers if known)
PROCESSIONAL (cite musical work used, with composer if known)
GATHERING SONG (optional) (cite name of song, # in Gather hymnal, or reprint lyrics if not included in hymnal)
WELCOME / OPENING PRAYER
"We Hear the Word of God"
FIRST READING (cite Book, chapter & verse, and lector)
RESPONSORIAL PSALM (cite Psalm #, composer, and reprint lyrics of refrain)
SECOND READING (optional) (cite Book, chapter & verse, and lector)
GOSPEL ACCLAMATION
GOSPEL (cite Book, chapter and verse)
HOMILY
"Two Become as One"
EXCHANGE OF VOWS
EXCHANGE OF RINGS
PRAYER OF THE FAITHFUL (cite response - "Lord, hear our prayer" - and lector)
"We Break the Bread of Life"
*PREPARATION OF THE GIFTS (cite gift-bearers)
*SANCTUS
*EUCHARISTIC PRAYER
*MEMORIAL ACCLAMATION / GREAT AMEN LORD'S PRAYER
NUPTIAL BLESSING
SIGN OF PEACE
*LAMB OF GOD
*COMMUNION DISTRIBUTION (cite song, and reprint lyric of refrain; also cite Eucharistic ministers, if used)
*PRAYER AFTER COMMUNION
**UNITY CANDLE (optional; not part of Roman Rite)
**PRAYER TO VIRGIN (optional; not part of Roman Rite)
**FLOWERS TO MOTHERS (optional; not part of Roman Rite)
(Cite song and composer if one of above three is applicable)
"We Are Sent Forth"
FINAL BLESSING PRESENTATION OF COUPLE
RECESSIONAL (cite musical work used and composer if known)
The printed wedding program that is prepared for the assembly must includethe following, verbatim:
To ensure the sacramental presence of the church, and. to maintain the prayerful nature of the wedding ceremony, please turn off all cell phones, pagers, etc., or switch them to a silent mode. Limit photos and videotaping to the procession and recession only. Flash photography can ruin the photos of professionals; they have been hired to cover the ceremony under the specified norms. Applause is encouraged at times in our rites; please refrain. from cheering, shouting or whistling. Your prayer with us today is a most appreciated gift. If a Mass is celebrated, the program must also include the following,verbatim:
Roman Catholic Communion in the form of bread and wine is for Roman Catholic members who are in practice with the Faith. We enjoy the presence of all gathered in prayer. The Music
Schedule a time to meet with Wedding coordinator. They will guide you through the selection of fitting music that will personalize your ceremony. Also arrange with the director for, and get approval of, any instrumentalists or cantors you use. Remember that good liturgical music includes the assembly and expresses its joyful prayers for you.
Keep in mind these simple guidelines in selecting your songs and music. No recorded music is ever permitted in Roman Catholic liturgy. All music is to be sacred Church music. Popular tunes will better suit your reception. For processional and recessional pieces, the Wagner and Mendelssohn selections are discouraged because of their unsuitable context in the classical repertoire. They both mock marriage. Wagner himself was dumbfounded to hear the USA was using his march inside church settings.
The parish Worship office is (708)366-7090 x113. Feel free to call the department with any questions.
We have instituted the following norms for photographers and florists at all weddings at St. Vincent Ferrer. A single sheet copy containing all the relevant norms has been included in your packet.
Photographers/Videographers
“Great care should be taken to ensure liturgical celebrations, especially the Mass, are not disturbed or interrupted by the taking of photographs.”
-Instructions on Worship of Eucharistic Mystery, Vatican IIThe liturgy must be protected as sacred and not become a “Kodak moment.” The lower the profile on photography is kept during the liturgy, the better. Professional photographers and those videotaping should be appropriately dressed and are asked to not move around during the liturgy. They are not to interfere with or move the furnishings of the church.
Everyone involved must maintain respect for the space. Nothing is to be set on the altar. No flash or lights should be used during the service.
Photographers/videographers are not allowed in the sanctuary during the service but should keep to the side aisles, behind the pew line.
During the processional and recessional, photographs may be taken from the pews by anyone in the assembly.
No cameras of any kind are allowed in the sanctuary during the service.
Video cameras should be stationary. A tripod may be set up. The balcony is the best location for this.
No taping of cords to the floor is allowed. No tape on wood is allowed. No taping to the tile is allowed.
Florists
Roman Catholic liturgical norms require that the church environment remain through the liturgical season. That is, altar appointments and floral arrangements may not be removed for a wedding. Seasonal arrangements such as Christmas poinsettias or Easter lilies and other parts of the environment stay undisturbed.
Other arrangements may be added if you desire. The three best placements for not obstructing the rite are: on the communion rail, behind the enthronement of the bride and groom, or on the floor in front of the ambo (pulpit).
Unity candles are not part of the Roman rite. Their use is encouraged at the reception rather than during the ceremony. If they are used at church, the candles should be placed on a small table near the ambo. This is done at the conclusion of the service.
Ornamentation such as arches or trellises is not permitted because of the integrity of the space and their hampering of mobility.
Pew candles are discouraged. If used hurricane lamps are necessary for safety. They are lit before the ceremony and not during the procession or rite.
For safety and maintenance reasons, aisle runners are not permitted in the church.Your florist is welcome in the church one-half hour before the wedding. Everything brought in is to be removed immediately following the rite. If you are leaving floral pieces for the church, they may be left on the communion rail.
Please remember to provide your photographer and florist with a copy of these norms. It is your responsibility to be sure that they adhere to these norms.
Pew ornamentation may not be taped. Elastic works well.
Church Fees
The wedding fee is $500.00 payable to St. Vincent Ferrer Church. This amount is not refundable. When you pay the fees, the date for your ceremony is entered into the parish calendar. If you cancel the wedding, the amount paid will be converted to a tax-deductible contribution. This fee is the same for both parishioners and non-parishioners.
The fee for music during your wedding liturgy should be paid directly to the music ministry at least one month before the day of the ceremony. This amount is not included in the above fee to the church. The music ministry will discuss fees and services when you meet. If a musician is not used for your ceremony from the Worship office, a $50.00 bench fee will apply.
There is a $60.00 fee for the wedding coordinator who will assist you in the planning of your liturgy, conduct the rehearsal, and be present on the day of your ceremony. This should be paid to the church. Most add it in the $500.00 fee.
The altar servers should be paid $10.00 each. St. Vincent provides two altar servers for a marriage liturgy. The money for the servers should be paid to the church. Again, with the $500.00 is easiest for most.
Guidelines for Wedding CeremoniesWedding Times
The times of scheduled weddings at St. Vincent Ferrer Church are Saturdays at 1:00 pm. and at 3:00 pm. Weddings can also be scheduled on Sundays at 3:00 pm.
Talk to your priest or deacon about other days and times during the week. Weddings are not scheduled during the Lenten season – between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday – or on certain other Church feasts.
The church is open to you one-half hour before the scheduled time and for a half-hour after the service for pictures. Please be considerate of other weddings or funerals, Saturday evening Mass, etc., leaving the church on time free of items in the aisle or pews.Wedding Party
The number of attendants should be no more than eight couples, not including the bride and groom. This is in keeping with the sacred nature of the ceremony.
Having children in the wedding party, as flower girls or ring bearers, can be a negative experience for the little ones. This is often too much pressure on a child. If children are in the procession, they may be placed with an adult and may be seated during the ceremony. Usually seven years or older is a safe age for realistic expectations.
Head Usher
Designate a “head usher” from among your ushers to be responsible for your guests and for final details on the day of the ceremony. A job description will be provided.
Marriage LicenseYour marriage at St. Vincent Ferrer is also a legal civil union. You must obtain a marriage license from the Cook County Clerk to be legally married here. The license should be obtained not more than 60 days before the wedding. Once the license has been procured, drop it off at the church office. It must be on file before the rehearsal begins. A priest or deacon violates the law if he witnesses a marriage without the license.
Both of you must apply in person for the license. Proper proof of identification and age are required, and there is a cash-only fee to apply.
For further information, contact the Clerk’s office at 1311 S. Maywood Dr. in Maywood at 708-443-5664.
Visiting Priests & DeaconsYou are welcome to have your marriage witnessed by a priest or deacon who is not associated with St. Vincent Ferrer. Please let us know at your first meeting if you wish to have a friend or family member preside. Clearance regulations on this can be major. Act on it immediately.
Details need to be worked out regarding who will be responsible for handling the marriage papers and preparatory sessions. The wedding coordinator will conduct the rehearsal.
Your visiting priest or deacon must obtain written delegation from the pastor at St. Vincent Ferrer for validity of the marriage.
You should make stipend arrangements with your visiting priest or deacon. All church norms contained in this booklet remain the same with guest clergy.Maintenance
Rice, birdseed, confetti, balloons, bubbles, etc. are not permitted. Please make your guests aware of this. Your regard for the safety and maintenance of the church as well as for those attending the service is greatly appreciated. However, it is possible that your reception hall allows such items and your guests may be able to celebrate in such a way there.
Alcohol, Drugs
The informed consent of both parties is an essential requirement of a valid, licit, sacramental marriage. PLEASE BE AWARE THAT IF ALCOHOL IS PRESENT OR IF PERSONS APPEAR DRUNK OR DRUGGED, THE WEDDING CEREMONY MUST BE AND WILL BE CANCELED. This applies to rehearsals as well as to ceremonies. This is a non-negotiable policy and applies to all church property including the parking lots.
One Final Word
Know that our prayers are with you on your wedding day. Pray for each other and with each other as you near the day of your wedding. This is a wonderful opportunity to invite God into the life you are about to share. Put yourselves at peace with God by receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation as part of your marriage preparation.
One of your weekly dates should be Church, attending Mass together regularly and becoming involved in a ministry that enables you to channel your love to others.
Know that we want to help you live a happy and blessed Catholic life after you are married. Remain connected to your parish. Spend time together as a couple. Participate in one of the programs offered by the archdiocese for newly married couples. Look for ways to support other newly married couples. Be grateful to God always for the gift that you are to each other.
